{"id":8730,"date":"2016-03-09T07:19:15","date_gmt":"2016-03-09T13:19:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.senioradvisor.com\/blog\/?p=8730"},"modified":"2017-09-19T18:43:39","modified_gmt":"2017-09-19T23:43:39","slug":"how-to-cope-with-death-of-a-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/d30braiqprupoq.cloudfront.net\/blog\/2016\/03\/how-to-cope-with-death-of-a-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Cope with the Death of a Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Cope with the\u00a0Death of a Spouse\"Death<\/h1>\n

Losing a spouse is always a huge blow. When your life has become so intertwined with that of someone you love, figuring out how to live without them, while also feeling the full grief of the loss, is hard. Everyone around you knows it\u2019s hard, but most don\u2019t really know what to do to help. And you probably don\u2019t know what you want \u2013 from them or yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n

Everyone grieves a little differently, so only you can figure out what\u2019s right for you. But here are a few ways to get past the worst of it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Take all the alone time you need.<\/h2>\n

It\u2019s okay to want to spend time on your own processing your feelings, or even just sitting with them. You shouldn\u2019t feel like you have to be surrounded by friends and family or you\u2019re doing something wrong. It\u2019s okay to say \u201cno\u201d when people ask to come over or invite you to come out to do something with them,<\/span><\/p>\n

Up to a point, that is. In the days after your spouse passes, take all the alone time you need. If you spend weeks or even months avoiding leaving the house or spending time with other people, then you\u2019ll start to have a hard time moving past the pain. Don\u2019t feel guilty if your feelings lead you down a solitary path, but also don\u2019t push your loved ones away entirely.<\/span><\/p>\n

Grieve with your other loved ones if it helps.<\/h2>\n

On the other hand, if you know you\u2019ll feel better if you keep your loved ones close, then ask them to come around frequently. Some people will have a negative reaction to suddenly being alone a lot of the time after a spouse passes; if you need your friends and family members to help fill in that empty space, let them know. Most will be happy to help. <\/span><\/p>\n

What people want when they\u2019re grieving varies from person to person. There won\u2019t be any easy answer to feeling better, but you\u2019ll have some idea in the moment of what you need \u2013 whether it\u2019s solitude or company \u2013 and you\u2019re allowed to do grieving in the way that works best for you. <\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t dwell on the bad of the moment \u2013 share stories about the good.<\/h2>\n

This is hard, because the pain stays so top of mind right after a loved one passes, and the lack of a spouse who\u2019s been beside you for years is especially rough. But look through pictures, revisit old letters and emails, and make a point to remember the experiences you shared that were meaningful to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Talk to your loved ones about their memories as well. Let your words paint a picture of the person you all loved. Some people may feel the impulse to push their deceased spouse out of their memories because remembering hurts too much, but this simply doesn\u2019t work. Instead use those memories as a way to lighten the moment and recall what made them unique and important to you.<\/span><\/p>\n

Ask for help with the logistics.<\/h2>\n

It would be nice if the banalities of life would stop for a while once something as devastating as a death of a spouse occurs, but somewhere along the way you\u2019re going to have to deal with the boring, tedious tasks of updating your various accounts and legal documents.<\/span><\/p>\n

Those loved ones letting you know they\u2019re there for \u201canything you need?\u201d Enlist them to help you with the dull stuff that has to get done, but painfully reminds you of your spouse. There are some things you\u2019ll have to do yourself, but in many cases family members can take on the tasks without too much trouble. If there\u2019s someone you trust with sensitive information like your passwords and credit card info, ask them to sit down to your computer and get to work:<\/span><\/p>\n